Angels

Scott, Megan and Sophia Grace Megan's testimony: 6 years ago at around 1pm, I had it all. A husband who I loved with every ounce of me, a new baby who made our family complete, and a cute little house that we made a home together. And 6 years ago, later that evening, all of that was taken from me when 2 men in uniform came to my door to tell me my husband wouldn't be coming home. That he had been killed in a Blackhawk accident. As they said the words (which I had them repeat quite a few times because of complete and utter denial), my world crashed down all around me. My husband, who without him, that perfect life would not be possible, was gone. Forever. Never coming home. Never able to tell me he loved me again or watch our beautiful little girl, that we wanted so badly, grow up. On sept 11, 2007, I lost my husband and my 5 week old Sophia lost her daddy. That cute little house that we grew together in had to be sold. I had to move away from the life we built together and all our friends (family) we had made along the way. Far gone now is everything we made together and the man I loved beyond words. What was left was a broken me and a newborn who didn't deserve any of it. All I have now is the memory of it. Today, 6 long/short years later there is now a broken me, but a broken me on the mend. And a 6 year old little girl. One who, thank God, can't remember the time when her mother was a broken shattered mess. One who wishes for those things she never even remembers having. We mend because God is with us. Because when we wish for that life again, God lifts us up to a place higher than that and says "I love you, I love you, I love you." What I want to let go of is the memory of losing him. The way it happened, the knock at my door at 3am and holding my baby in my arms as they told me he was never coming home to us again. I want to stop feeling like a burden to everyone I love. I want to let go of the pain, the fear, the bitterness that has come since then. I want to be free to let it go, to love without fear of losing, to swallow the bitterness till its so deep inside that it can't possibly exhaust anymore. I want to continue to move forward with no steps back. Besides, how can I want more, more time with him, more memories, when my daughter only wishes for any memories at all?! God! That's how we do it! We cry out to Him, and He has never failed us. Never left us. We live in a new house, make new memories. Though not all days come easy, we live, we love, we laugh, we smile, we press on. Knowing in our hearts he is waiting for us and God will hold us until then.~ Megan Angel, wife of Sgt. Jeffrey Scott Angel II (September 3, 1983 - September 11, 2007)