BETTER OFF DEAD

When my wife and I first got together, we lived in a tiny apartment and shared a twin bed. This situation continued even after she got pregnant. This, of course, substantially reduced my sleeping area. We slept in a spooning position. One night, when she was about 7 months pregnant, I awoke in the middle of the night and tried to readjust the blanket to recover myself. It often would end up bunched up between us, so I reached down to find it and pull it back up. There was some resistance, but I assumed that she had her foot on the blanket or something. So I pulled harder, assuming it would come free. At this point, my wife turned her head around and angrily asked what I was doing. It turns out that I was not pulling the blanket. I had grabbed the back of her underwear and was forcefully pulling them up her buttcrack. I broke out laughing and couldn’t stop for quite awhile. She was substantially less amused and even less so after my explanation. So the mistake I will never make again is… Never tell an angry, rudely awoken pregnant woman that you mistook her underwear for a blanket. Especially if you’re laughing hysterically at the time.