channel update || important info [DB]

I really appreciate all of you who are actually taking the time to read this. It's mostly for people who I know better and consider friends. I decided to change my approach towards YouTube and vidding. I'm not going to explain what lead to this point but let's just say that a few months back I was at a very bad place and almost had to leave university. Those were the three months during spring when I didn't post a single video. My friends may have also noticed that I wasn't really catching up and commenting on their videos. I just kind of had to leave all this behind to fix some things in my life that I messed up before. And at this time I was thinking a lot about my future and what I want from my life and I realized some things. I was in a bad situation and it was my fault I got there so I just need to make sure that it doesn't happen again. I was paying too much attention to my life here on YouTube and fandoms generally and as much as I love this fandom life, it already gave me a lot and it's kind of time to move on. I'm not saying I will leave it behind completely, I don't want to do that and don't think I have to either. I will still be getting obsessed with gay ships and losing sleep reading fanfics and I'm definitely not planning on leaving vidding and YouTube behind. I thought a lot about this and as much as I hate to say this, I will have to stop making birthday videos. This is why I said this is mostly for people from YouTube who are closer to me. I love making birthday videos but this year I didn't have much time to vid and I still made them (even if they were often late) and it lead to certain problems. I cannot put YouTube first. I was also not able to vid anything else which is partly why I kind of lost interest in vidding in the past few months. This makes it sound bad, even to me when I read it it sounds like I'm "blaming" other people for this. That's not what this is about, that's on me. I have horrible time management and I just should have realized that putting YouTube first will lead to problems. So by this, I just want to say that I'm stopping birthday videos. Maybe I will make some if I'm inspired and if I have time at the moment, why not. Like I said, I enjoy making them. But I just want people to know that I most likely won't. With this information, I would also like to ask all the amazing people who made me birthday videos last year to maybe not make them this year. Birthday videos became something I'm the most excited about on my birthday and it's really something that I consider the best part of my birthday. But this year I won't be able to "repay the favor" if I can say it like that. I know birthday videos are not about "you give you get" but I would just feel guilty that I can't give some of the happiness back. I would love to host a collab for my birthday if I have the time to open it so that's kind of a way to still give each other something as I would still definitely love to join collabs for other people's birthday. I just don't check YouTube that often anymore so if you just message me I will definitely try to find the time to make a collab part. It's the least I can do and I will miss making birthday videos so I would love to at least join some collabs. This is already too long and no one's even going to read this whole thing but I want to thank all the people who supported me here on YouTube, it means the world to me. I will definitely continue making videos, just maybe not so frequently. Thank you for reading this poem and hopefully also for understanding. I hope you have a nice day!