day 29

There was something I didn't catch in my previous log. My mother had recently been placed as manager at the dental office she works at. She has had no prior training, as pretty much most of the staff had left, which got her that position in the first place. I haven't seen her often, but whenever I have she's been incredibly miserable. I felt all the more guilty when I had completely forgotten to give her a mother's day gift. I did give her a couple candles from bath and body works, which i know she likes. She was still appreciative, but I could tell she was still holding back a lot of pain she was dealing with from the abuse she's suffered at work. I haven't had the best relationship with my mother. She was often very hard at me at a very young age. So much to the point where those moments where she would be angry are the most prominent memories I have of her, and it's the reason why I, even as an adult now struggle so much with the real world, and why I'm so afraid of failure. In this moment now, I need to try to be more supportive. I've been letting the past drag me down for long enough, and admittedly I haven't been thankful of the good moments of my life. I want things to be better and the only way I can make that happen is if i do something about it.