I want nothing but to sink in sleep, forget—
but again and again and again
you come to me.
As nightmare, and I wake,
fall asleep and find another.
Or you come in the sweetest dream
and waking burns me alive.
This agony won't be calmed.
Everything around me—
a glimmer of hope,
or the executioner's blade
that tortures me again and again
but never quite kills.
You are so far ahead, a desperate stride,
and I can't seem to close the space.
I am ready to forgive you everything,
but you have no need for what I am.
And all my clumsy poems,
awkward things,
are only about you.
Only ever you.
Because you are
all I ever had.
(all I ever had)
