My Song - Memory

Requested by Puyo350 Song Lyrics I grew up in a house where love came with conditions, where yelling was normal, like part of the religion. Broken home, hand me down pain, I learned to stay quiet, learned to listen for footsteps, learned the mood by the silence. My dad hurt my mom, then acted like it was nothing, cheated, lied, kept moving while my mom kept suffering. And when I was six, I still can’t say it clean he touched me, and that moment keeps playing in my dreams. After that, I stopped feeling safe in my own skin, I stopped trusting “family,” I stopped letting people in. I still pray, but sometimes my prayers feel thin, like I’m talking to the ceiling, like I’m begging through a grin. Then school was another place I learned to brace, a place with old hate in the walls, right in my face. And the neighborhood, sirens, fights, nights with no sleep I grew up fast, but the fear grew deep. And I’m disabled, CP in my walk, autism in my head, so I got used to being “too much” and “not enough” instead. So I smile to survive, but inside I’m a mess I carry it all like a nail in my chest. I got a memory stuck, and it won’t let go, it shows up at night when the whole world goes cold. I want to heal, but I’m scared to feel, cause if I start crying, I might not be real. God, are You near? Cause I’m trying my best but I got a memory stuck like a nail in my chest. My mom found love again, and I’m glad she’s not alone, but the fights feel stupid, and they shake up the home. And my stepdad, yeah, I call him “Dad,” cause he stayed, but he can be sharp with his words in a way that cuts deep. He talks like he’s right, like my feelings are wrong, like I’m weak if I’m hurting, like I should just be strong. And I hate that I shrink when he raises his tone, hate that I turn into that kid in my bones. And I know he’s carrying pain that he never got through his parents survived horrors, so he grew up with wounds. Holocaust stories. Russia stories. Running and fear. So when he gets mad, it’s like that past is still here. But I’m tired of excuses being used like a shield, tired of being the one who’s expected to heal. Physical, verbal, “God” used like a threat I learned to obey so I wouldn’t get wrecked. Now I’m older, but I still don’t feel grown, I still see that six year old when I’m alone. I’m scared of the future, scared I’ll fail, scared I’ll turn into what hurt me, scared I’ll never break this chain. I got a memory stuck, and it won’t let go, it shows up at night when the whole world goes cold. I want to heal, but I’m scared to feel, cause if I start crying, I might not be real. God, are You near? Cause I’m trying my best but I got a memory stuck like a nail in my chest. Hey, pain, you win tonight. I’m not acting okay. I can’t “pray it away,” I can’t “work it away.” I can’t keep pretending I’m fine when I’m not, I can’t keep carrying fire like it isn’t hot. Hey, God, I’m still here, but I’m tired and scared. If You’ve ever been close, I need You right there. I don’t need a speech, I don’t need a sign I need to feel safe for the first time in my life. I’m shaking, I’m numb, I’m angry, I’m sad I miss the kid I was supposed to have. I got a memory stuck, and it won’t let go, it shows up at night when the whole world goes cold. I want to heal, and I want what is real, but I’m scared of the tears cause they open the seal. God, stay near me, I’m breaking at best cause I got a memory stuck like a nail in my chest. If I cry, let it count. If I fall, let me breathe. I’m not asking for perfect just something like peace. I still got faith, even bruised, even wrecked and I’m still here, with this nail in my chest. #acousticsongs #music #newsong #popsongs #popmusic #englishsongs #Popsong #Englishsong #Newsongs #Hiphopsongs #hiphopmusic #chillmusic #hiphopmix #tophits