Nicotine God

Breathe in. Don’t fight me. You made me long before you met me. Static in my skull again Another night I can’t remember when The world burned down in neon rain Now all I feel is nicotine veins I hear him whisper through the buzz “Look what the broken made of us.” Bathroom halos, blackout bass Smoke curling around my face Every drag makes the walls move slow Every hit makes the shadows glow And when the silence starts to rot He fills the space with everything I’m not ALL HAIL THE NICOTINE GOD King of the ruined and the chemically lost He lives in my lungs He sleeps in my thoughts A crown made of ash and menthol rot He said: “They left you empty. I’ll make you whole.” Now he’s carving his name Straight into my soul Heartbeat kicking like blown-out speakers Eyes bloodshot, dopamine fever Young ghosts dancing inside the dark Trying to keep their dead hearts sparked And I can feel him growing stronger Every night he lingers longer My reflection mouths his words Like my brain’s been rewired and burned He tastes like comfort He feels like death A cigarette god in my chest BLEGH. CUT MY VEINS AND FILL THEM WITH SMOKE BREAK MY BONES TILL MY BODY GOES NUMB NO LOVE NO SLEEP JUST NICOTINE TEETH HE LIVES INSIDE ME HE EATS WHEN I BREATHE I AM THE HOST HE IS THE KING WE SHARE THE SAME GODDAMN SKIN The party’s dying but nobody leaves Disco lights flicker like dying dreams Everybody here looks half erased Smiling with skeletons in their face And somewhere between the static and sound I felt the last of myself burn out Then I heard him. Not behind me. Not inside me. As me. ALL HAIL THE NICOTINE GOD The only thing left when your whole world’s gone He stitched himself deep in the holes in my heart Till I couldn’t tell where either of us start Now the mirror smiles before I do And every breath tastes manufactured and used But I keep inhaling like a holy rite Because oblivion finally feels alright No heaven above No saving light Just one split soul And smoke all night Breathe in. Become.