Only Fans Detected

Only Fans Detected. Written, composed and Arranged by Sean Currell. Performed by EmmaXenos. ©PACIFICA ©AmerxenosMusic ©2026 (Intro) (Distorted bass riff kicks in, fast and dirty) "Check the bio... check the bio.." (Sound of a distant, booming microphone feedback) Verse 1 Se leaned into the mic, the room went cold A digital prophet, or so she was told She didn’t need logic, she didn’t need facts she just scrolled through the feed and this guy made his attack One single sentence, a killing blow The peak of the internet’s status-quo "Tell ‘em!" , the tension was thick, the guy was a dick then he dropped the line like a magic trick. Chorus “OnlyFans detected! Opinion rejected!” "Have you gained weight? " The world just cracked, the soul’s been corrected The crowd is screaming, the room is infected “OnlyFans detected! Opinion rejected!” "ABSOLUTELY SAVAGE" The logic is gone, but the queen is elected. Verse 2 The room starts shaking, a cackle, a roar People are sobbing and hitting the floor Clapping and gasping, they’re losing their minds Leaving their dignity somewhere behind "I need Greggs right fucking now" "I'm livid" In the back, a veteran faints from the shock The seismic laughter just split the rock The vibrations are heavy, the air is thin And that’s when the real show begins. Bridge (Music cuts to a frantic, heartbeat-like drum) A pregnant woman screams, it’s a moment of grace The labor is starting at a frantic pace Spasms of comedy, life on the line "It's a baby!! " A woman’s on her knees, crying “this is the sign!” “This changes everything!” she wails to the sky " Why is there lurpac stuck to the ceiling, Kirsten!!!? " the logic of the universe begins to die. It's not a prude, it isn't shy Instrumental Break (A chaotic explosion of sound. A screeching synth solo mimics the sound of a woman screaming, layered over a fast, messy drum fill. Halfway through, the sound of a hundred wings flapping starts to overtake the music.) Final Chorus “OnlyFans detected! Opinion rejected!” "What now Kirsten!! Will you give it a rest!! " The birds are in the rafters, the sky is neglected The room is a circus, the crowd is dejected “OnlyFans detected! Opinion rejected!” "The butter, iT’S EVERYWHERE!" "Oh my God Kirsten!! " "11 missed calls" The miracle’s messy, and we’re all unprotected. Outro (Sound of hundreds of pigeons cooing and wings flapping) A thousand wings, a grey-feathered cloud Falling like rain on the heads of the proud "Oh god, my fucken coat...!! " The pidgeons are here, the pidgeons are shitting It’s the only end that was ever fitting. (Sound of a microphone dropping into a puddle) "Plop" (Silence)