Pendulum Mind

I spike, then I stall, then I slip out of alignment Thought stream overload, then it flatlines silent Same cycle repeating, no sense in the timing I don’t trust my head, but it’s all I reside in I drift, then I dive, then I’m back in the spiral Clear for a second, then it turns suicidal Clear for a second, then it turns suicidal Every high has a low, every calm feels like denial I don’t trust my mind it’s unreliable I overanalyze what was never that deep Turn a glance into a pattern, now it’s buried in me Every signal gets scrambled when it’s filtered through me So I question what I see like it’s staged for a scene I get moments of clarity, sharp as a blade Then it dulls into nothing, starts fading to gray Then it floods back heavy, every thought out of place Like I’m caught in a loop I keep trying to escape I don’t know who I am when the pendulum swings From a rush of emotion to the absence of things If I silence the noise, it just hums underneath So I live with the war like it’s part of the peace I spike, then I stall, then I slip out of alignment Thought stream overload, then it flatlines silent Same cycle repeating, no sense in the timing I don’t trust my head, but it’s all I reside in I drift, then I dive, then I’m back in the spiral Clear for a second, then it turns suicidal Every high has a low, every calm feels like denial I don’t trust my mind it’s unreliable I dismantle the calm when it starts to feel real If it isn’t chaotic, I don’t trust how it feels So I pull it apart until there’s nothing to heal Then I blame it outside, never say it was me I keep a distance from anyone getting too close If they see through the cracks, then it’s already broken I’d rather assume than be proven I’m wrong So I ruin the bond before it grows strong Maybe I’m the static I’ve been trying to clear Every answer I find just feeds into the fear If I quiet it down, it just reappears So I sit in the noise like it’s all I can hear Final Hook I spike, then I stall, then I slip out of alignment Thought stream overload, then it flatlines silent Same cycle repeating, I’ve been stuck inside it I don’t trust my head, but I can’t stay quiet I drift, then I dive, then I’m lost in the spiral I try to hold it together, but it’s always unstable Every high has a low, every calm feels like denial I don’t trust my mind it’s unreliable.