Serena Halloween Special

Title: The Skeleton Closet ​Host: [A solo host, perhaps wearing an oversized orange bowtie or a vine-green headband.] ​[Scene Start] ​HOST (Leaning into a dramatic spotlight, whispering) Good evening, boils and ghouls. Welcome back to the basement. I’d tell you to make yourselves at home, but frankly, the last person who did that is still under the floorboards... and he’s a terrible roommate. He never washes his dishes. ​(The Host walks over to a dusty wardrobe in the corner. Rattling sounds come from inside.) ​HOST Tonight, we’re discussing the ultimate in "bare-bones" fashion. Some people spend thousands on skincare, but these guys? They skipped the skin entirely. ​(The Host swings the wardrobe doors open. A bunch of plastic skeletons on strings tumble out, tangled together.) ​HOST Meet the ensemble! We call them the "Clatter-Brats." They’re incredibly talented. They can play the xylophone on their own ribs, they never get sick, and they are excellent at keeping secrets. Why? Because they have no guts! ​(The Host picks up a stray skeleton hand and uses it to scratch their own chin thoughtfully.) ​HOST You know, I asked one of them for a loan earlier. He said he couldn't help me. Apparently, he was... stone broke. Or maybe he just didn't have the heart for it. ​(A loud, rhythmic thump-thump sounds from off-stage.) ​HOST (Eyes widening) Oh! That’s the dinner bell. Or a ghost. Or the structural integrity of this house finally giving up. Either way, it’s time for our feature presentation. ​Stay spooky, stay silly, and for heaven's sake—if you see a skeleton walking down the street, give him a coat. He’s probably chilled to the bone. ​[Scene End]