April Will Wait

This song is about a brief, intense friendship I had, which ended with his suicide in January of 2023. This song is an attempt to tell the truth about what it feels like to care about someone who was struggling, to try to support them, and to still lose them. Jared and I met online. Our conversations quickly became honest and personal. He spoke openly about fear, addiction, shame, and the reasons he was still trying to stay alive. I listened. I responded. I stayed present. Not as a professional, i wasn't trying to give him therapy, i was just a person doing their best to be steady for someone who felt like they were falling apart. This song is about that space: the space between trying and failing, between care and limits, between connection and loss. It’s about the kind of grief that doesn’t fit neatly into public categories. It’s about what it means to witness someone’s struggle up close, and what it’s like to carry that after they’re gone. This song is shaped around the poem “To the Young Who Want to Die” by Gwendolyn Brooks — a poem I read to Jared more than once when he was struggling. The poem mattered to both of us. It offered language when there often was none, and it sits quietly behind this work as a kind of witness