Suffering Wanting

Quiet halls lean in, the air grows thick, Faded marks linger beneath the skin. Years spent tracing circles on the floor, Learning how to vanish a little more. A low murmur rises, barely a sound, My half-forgotten stirs in the ground. I'm alive because... I died. Eyes watched too closely taught me to wait, Every breath measured, every feeling too late. Shadows still follow the roads I have known, Memories I carry but leave unshown. I breathe out a fragment, thin as the night, Hoping the darkness might answer with light. I'm alive because... I died. A quiet comfort I let myself keep, A half-warm presence that helps me sleep. It stays through the hours, steady and near, A colder truth begins to appear. I'm alive because... I died. This isn’t the fire I once believed in, Only the outline of warmth I live in. The wanting grows heavier, harder to hide, The likes, a stride i cant find. I'm alive because... I died. The fire I once believed in, Nothing but outline of warmth remains. The wanting grows heavier, harder to hide, The likes, a stride i cant find. I'm alive..... because... I died. Bottomed out with nothing left to lose, No roof, no coin, no hand to pull me through. So I carved away the parts that still could feel Friends, dreams, tomorrow, sealed the deal. Traded every spark for a locked-in breath, Bought tomorrow’s air with a living end. I'm alive... because I died... Some evenings I reach past the familiar dim, Toward a heat I remember burning within. The silence breaks open, the stillness gives way, Everything buried fights toward the day. But the day never holds, and the night closes in Nothing is mended, nothing begins. I'm alive because... I died. So I cradle the flicker, watch it grow faint, Marking the space between heart and mind. Im alive... because i died.... Killed my life.... to survive.... Now i just want to die.... to survive.... Marking the space… Between heart… and mind… How do I live... wanting alone... I can't stand it... dont like it..... This heart of mine... wanting alone...