The Connection Tool [New & Improved]

The best way to improve your child's behavior on the outside is helping them understand how to cope and communicate with their big feelings on the inside. You’ll Learn: • The NEW 5-step Connection Tool and how to use it when your child is in their big feelings • How to think about your child’s behavior so that you can see them through a neutral or compassionate lens • LOTS of real-life examples and scripts for you to use • The difference between delaying consequences and permissive parenting I’m walking you through exactly how to use (new & improved!) The Connection Tool to coach your kids when they're having big feeling cycles or when they're dysregulated. -------------------------------------- The Connection Tool is one of my favorite tools I’ve ever created to help parents emotionally coach their kids when they're having big feeling cycles or when they're dysregulated. Today, I’ll walk you through exactly how to use it. And if you’ve been around a while, you may notice a few improvements. The Connection Tool falls under the 2nd pillar of my Connected Parenting Process: Calm ＞＞ Connect ＞＞ Limit Set ＞＞ Correct This process is meant to simplify parenting for you as much as possible. When you’re seeing off-track behavior, it means that some parenting is probably needed. And by going through the 4 steps of the process, you can use your kid’s behavior as a clue to what they might be feeling or needing. The best way to improve your child's behavior on the outside is helping them understand how to cope and communicate with their big feelings on the inside. Kids don’t know what to do with disappointment, anger, jealousy, and those other hard emotions. So, they complain, ignore you, run away from you, call names, hit their brother, etc. The Connection Tool helps you teach them how to handle those emotions in an appropriate way. What Do I Mean By Connection? When you hear the term “connection” as it relates to parenting, your mind might automatically go to the connection between you and your child. Of course, I want you to have a good relationship with your kid, but that’s not exactly what we’re talking about here. When I talk about “connection” in the Connected Parenting Process, I’m really talking about the connection between your child’s behavior and their emotions. You’re helping to connect what’s happening on the inside and how it’s showing up outside of them through their behavior. In essence, it’s about connecting your child to themself. Giving them an understanding and awareness of how they're thinking, how they're feeling, and helping them learn to manage their feelings in healthy ways. Emotional health and wellbeing always starts with awareness. This is also called “emotional literacy”, which essentially means that they can understand what they are feeling, describe it with words, and express those emotions in health and appropriate ways that work for them, your family, and their community. From there, they can also learn how to shift their thinking so that they have a better mindset about whatever is going on in their life. One thing I want to point out is that when your child is in a big feeling cycle or acting out, they don’t need limits or correction (yet). What they need first is connection. Threatening, accusing, minimizing, or insulting are not helpful in this situation. They will only make your child more dysregulated. The Connection Tool I’ve been teaching this tool to parents for a long time, but through the process of writing my book, I realized that it was incomplete. The NEW Connection Tool has 5 parts. 1. Notice. This is just for you. You notice that something is going on. Your kid is dysregulated or acting out. They might be tired, hungry, overstimulated, facing frustration. They're having feelings of stress, Frustration, anger, disappointment, disappointment. Often, you’ll notice this before they really lose it. You’ll see that something is a little off, something’s brewing. Your kid looks mostly fine, but inside their nervous system is working really hard. This is a great time for you to take a CALM break. You know that your kid is starting to show big feelings, and they’re going to need your help. If a behavior shows up and you find yourself upset by it or you start showing up with some of those less-than-helpful responses, those are also signs to take a break, get calm, and re-align with your goals. 2. Narrate. When somebody is dysregulated, they have exceeded their capacity to cope with their emotional upset in a healthy way. They no longer have access to logic. You can help bring them back into the moment by narrating the behavior you see. For example: “I am giving each of you dessert, but I saw you hit your brother because I gave it to him first.” “I said that it was time to turn off the video game, and I noticed that you haven't done it yet.” “I said it was homework time, but now I see that you’re play...